Moises and Palmares: Indifference

Michelle: Indifference is the opposite of love, not hatred. My hubby’s cousin, whose girlfriend of 10 years left him last year, said that at one point in time, he hated her so much for what she did to him that he felt he could no longer ever love again. Now, he says he doesn’t hate her anymore but feels indifferent towards her. He is also happy to say that he is moving on. But in a committed relationship, indifference, and not hatred, is worrisome. Where there is indifference, there is no passion. There is no sense of purpose. When we become indifferent to the passions and purpose of our lives, or become indifferent in our relationships, it breeds a sort of quiet desperation. When couples and partners become indifferent to each other, relationships very quickly become a place of misery.

DJ: Nowadays, things have gotten much, much noisier. There’s hardly any room to be still. Indifference can be good or bad. For things we have control of, we can take the active role to keep things going. But for things or relationships we have little or even no control of, indifference can be an indicator of acceptance and readiness to genuinely move on. For example, it takes two to sustain a dating relationship. If one has already given up even if the other is still begging for another chance, why even exhaust energy to make it work? It’s good to learn to be still. And try to move out, move on.

M: Indifference can be either good or bad, depending on how you see it or where you are at this point in time. In a relationship though, when we meet this indifference in a person, especially in one who we deeply care about, it is like trying to walk through an emotional quicksand. Being lukewarm in relationships allows desperation to creep into our lives. And desperation inevitably brings misery.

DJ: At times instead of pushing back, we have to accept what we can’t take in the first place. While we can’t afford to miss on things, we can’t also have it all. The world becomes less complicated if we have the wisdom to know when to make a change or when to be still and accept the things we cannot change. As you would always say, pain is inevitable, misery is optional and to paraphrase, love or hatred is inevitable, but indifference is optional. The choice is ours. Including the choice not to be indifferent.